Seeing Ghosts

With the recent spate of suicide-by-train deaths in this area, I’m noticing something I’d not really heard in the several years I’ve been here: long, insistent train horns being blown between the two nearby stations. As the engineers leave one, they begin a series of long horn blasts that really get your attention, the kind that make you wonder if everything is ok, or if they see something on the tracks and they’re trying to warn it to move. I can understand why they do it. Because of the suicide deaths of the three boys in the past three months (they were 17, 18, and 20, I think), I’m sure this line has become somewhat of a last-choice assignment for the staff of these trains (ie, when given their schedules, they heave a heavy sigh when they see they’re coming down here).  

Also, do you think they pass on information from engineer to engineer? Do you think they – the engineers - try to prevent it in any way other than blowing their horns more? Do they slow the trains when they approach certain crossings (like the one near me)? And do they support each other when it happens? Does it happen enough that there are that many other engineers who’ve hit people?  

This whole thing is so sad, and not only for the families of the boys, but also for the train staff. It’ll never be enough to hear “it wasn’t your fault” or “you know he wasn’t in his right mind” or “he shouldn’t’ve been playing on the tracks.” All the engineer remembers is that there was someone on the tracks and he hit him. And killed him. I’m sure that’s not an easy thing to deal with, or drive away from. And even when in their conscious mind they know that the boys were drunk, or off their medication, or lovesick, their unconsciouses must play vicious games with them, replaying the event over and over, during daylight and night.

I wonder if they get psychological help when this happens [there goes another series of horn blasts]. I mean, how can an engineer go back to work when he’s constantly hallucinating about young men playing on the tracks directly in front of his several-thousand-ton train? That can’t be good, for him or the train he’s driving. I wonder if they have on-site psychologists or if the engineers get time off to see someone on their own. Do they get automatically transferred to another train line? Do they retire early? What exactly do they do for the train staff when this happens? Has this even been an issue before? And, has this ever happened so many times in one short period on one line?  

We’re seeing a bunch of suicide prevention talks and articles geared toward the kids. I really wonder what’s being done for the staff of those trains… [another bunch of horn blasts].